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My Poetry

June 16, 1999

There is nothing at this moment
That I wouldn't give
To hear you say my name
To hear the rythym of your laughter
The rythym that beats my heart
I'd give my all
My breath, my life
To hear your voice rise
In passionate anger
To hear excitement extend your sound
The silly grin of yours matching mine
You completed my life, my heart
My everything
Where am I supposed to be?
This year passed like eternity
Like the hideous dawn
Following the perfect night
Be it over, love
But my heart shall never let go.

April 19, 1999

I can't even cry
For lack of anything inside
The emptiness that overtakes
The fear that closes my eyes
I am for you
There's nothing more
This sorrow that I cling to
Holds you in my heart
How broken it is
Jagged edges that make new wounds
And it is all endless
Take me with you
Make me yours, as I am supposed to be
The candle is burning out
And as I lay here in the darkness
Its your touch I long for,
Your shoulder I miss,
Your laughter I crave
Be mine
Where we both belong
In love

February 5, 1999

The loneliness neverending
There's no light at the end of this tunnel.
Yet I walk on in fearless fear
Through this lonely pursuit of life.
The life that lives in love
The love that drives this life
In these broken, choppy words
This warring peace, 
This loving hate, 
This hateful Love, 
These silent words,
The spoken thoughts,
The blissful sorrow,
The smiling rage,
The sobbing smiles;
Are the demolished reconstruction.
I'm moving forawrd
Only to find the horizon
Retreating in front of me.
I miss you more 
In this violent calm

March 24, 1998

There does not seem to be words
But I am searching yet,
Here is this beautiful love
That I could never forget.
My soul completed in you
My heart holding so tight,
To you my perfect angel
You have taken out the fight.
Have released me from the pain,
The loneliness inside
You have opened up my eyes
And I can no longer hide.
My heart is bared and given
None more worthy than you,
To receive this love in me
That has never felt more true.
You, who accepts it with love
And shares it all with me,
Its you who's opened my eyes
And allowed me to see.

February 5, 1998

Is there beauty beyond this love
Is this life that I'm dreaming of
The perfection I feel inside
This smile that I can not hide
It comes from my heart through my eyes
And I feel it strengthen these ties
Our souls are connected as one
And your heart has no instinct to run.

Your Love
January 27, 1998

The lines are drawn and here I stand
On each side an extended hand
I look to you and see the train
Do I jump to avoid the pain?
Or take the hit and let you stay?
Or steel my heart and run away?
This is the choice that I must face
To take your hand or bow out with grace
Your beautiful love shines in my eyes
But I am scared of the hard good byes
The passion versus the warm embrace
The blinding love or the safer place
Is this passionate yearn the real thing?
Can I return the love that you'll bring?
Will you hold my hand and guide me through?
Will this kind of love remain this true?
Will you share my life and show me yours?
Will your precious heart hold open doors?
Will you respect my heart and my mind?
For support will it be you I find?
Will you love me like my heart requires?
Will we be in synch in our desires?
Will you make me yours without a doubt?
WIll you ever let me live without
Your love

Only You
January 1, 1998

If there were words you would hear them
If I could touch you I would place your hand on my chest
Let you feel my heart and know its beat
Let you sense the love you stir in my
Only you
You bring me hope I have not known
You give me peace that I have not felt
You occupy my mind, my heart, my time
And you are worth each passing breath
What I wouldn't give to be with you
To touch your hand, to watch your chest rise
And fall with each passing breath
To watch yur beautiful eyes take me in
To see your cheeks lift with your smile
To catch the tear that falls from your chin
The love I would know with your thumb on my cheek
Your breath on my ear, fingers brushing hair from
My face
To feel your gentle touch, your soft lips
Beautiful you, my perfect you
To hear your voice say my name
To watch you sleep, touch your face
I'd share it all with you
I'd give you this precious love
If you could really be this real

October 19, 1997

You move in shadow
Dancing through my heart
Adoring eyes make me see
But I cannot make you out
The shroud of darkness covering
You are hidden, protected
No pain from risk
When no risks are taken
But fill you up and take you
The beauty of your soul
Shadowed by your fear
Move forward, uncover your eyes
Grasp the things thrown at you
Take what you can from it
Learn all you need
Teach yourself your heart
Come out from the shadow
You need the light
Experience the beauty
Hold the memories and go
Wherever you hide you will be found
Stop the fight and free yourself
Put it out for all to see
And share it with me

September 14, 1997

I'm trying to find the words to say how special you are to me,
To let you know how lonely life without you would be.
You have become a special friend and you're always in my heart,
And I am determined not to let this distance keep us apart.
I want you to know that I think about you every single day,
I miss your voice and your smiling face that take away the grey.
Its the simple ways that you are you that make you dear to me,
And I miss you so much everyday because of what you've made me see.
I have learned of life from you because you are willing to share, 
And I take comfort in the knowledge that you are always there.
And I will always hold the memories of all the times we had,
Because it will help to think of you when I am feeling sad.
I love you because you let me see how bright your light can shine,
And I hope that I have touched your heart as much as you've touched mine.
So know that I will never forget the beautiful friend you are, 
Because that can overcome distances no matter how far.
I love you with my entire heart because of who you are to me,
And because I know that who you are is who you'll always be.

Darkness Brings You
July 27, 1997

In the shelter of the night I am free
And through the process of elimination you are with me
We absorb one another through the fire
And we let the explosions take us higher
The future exposed and I do not ache
With this fire burning no heart will ever break.

But the sun comes up and the fire turns to ash
And I barely manage to wake before I crash
There is no you, at least not here
And I stare at the ash that brings my deepest fear
I am alone and there is none to share
I wonder why you're in my dreams and only there.

Why you are incomplete in my conscious mind
You rest in shadow, many pieces I cannot find
You must be made of all those in my heart 
But I cannot decifer from whom you get which part
The eyes of one and the strength of them all
And with all their hearts in you, I know I shall never fall.

Again it is night and I am sheltered in my dream
And it is amazing to me how completely real you seem
You make me your queen every night
And there is nothing that has ever been more right
The intensity of your love is all-encompassing
And you give me everything you bring.

In the morning I remember the perfection, 
And I am smothered by this dejection
Why the darkness brings you I do not know
But what I wouldn't give for the love that you show.

January 20, 1997

If tomorrow comes too soon there is no time for today
And the rains come and wash it all away.
The clouds blow in and cover up the sky
And the persuant darkness just makes me want to cry.
The rainbow comes when the light finally breaks through
And it seems that nothing could take away the blue.
I want to feel it, to become one with the air
To soar like a bird, all alone without a care.
There would be nothing that could take me from that place
Except for a glimpse of your enchanting face.
But that would take me up higher than before
And my blissful happiness would even up the score.
If you could see me, my light could guide you here
And we could live, together without fear.
You could soar with me among the clouds
And I could free your soul from it's shrouds.
Don't you see how perfect it would be
That together we could finally be free.

January 14, 1997

I want this to stop, yet it must go on
I develop these feelings, all of a sudden you're gone.
I've decided to give you just one last chance,
But it's up to you, it's all in your hands.
I fear that you just don't care enough,
To make it all up though it wouldn't be tough.
You are my weakness, I could not take stand,
And all I ask for is that you take my hand.
And friendship is all that I want from you, 
Of course public admittance is required too.
I realize you're private, and I'll never let you down,
But I fear if I were sinking, you would let me drown. 
It wouldn't hurt you to admit I exist,
Because if you don't it'll be me who you miss.
I like who you are when your friends aren't around,
But I just can't see that this friendship is sound.
My heart needs you here, while my mind says let go, 
And I sit here struggling because I just don't know.
My mind starts to win, then you show your face
And instantly I'm right back in the same place.
I simply wish that you would make up your mind 
So I could take you with me or leave you behind.
I shared my feelings and you responded
And stupid me, I thought we bonded.
Apparently you didn't and you completely lost touch
I guess I should realize you don't care that much.
When I look at you here I suddenly see
That maybe I'm wrong and you aren't worth me.
I'm trying to fight it, but it seems I can't win,
I can't get away because you're under my skin.
You make me so angry that I cannot see,
Yet when you are you, you have control over me.
I'll never forget you no matter how I lie,
But how I remember you is why you have to try.
And this love that I feel will not go away,
It will even withstand all the games that you play.
My friendship will not withstand all these things,
And we both will lose any pleasure it brings.
As you can see you really make me feel, 
And whatever you think, my feelings are real.
I only wish you felt half as much as I do,
Because then there would be nothing that we couldn't get through.

April 26, 1997

I liked the way my hand looked on your face
The essence of my struggle
Words are feelings but explain nothing
I am not allowed in
Whether you share or hold it all
It is not covering
The likelihood of anything
Could not be more discreet
I do not see the good is gone but yet
Foward motion stops
The world will not be taken down
Forever loving soul
I cannot spell your name in hate
Red ink shapes well by you
I love you used to be a mind
Body was forgotten
But purple candles burning high
Will always kill the rotten
So you are dead your heart if it was
Remembered and put away
I think I miss the strangest things
So long.

September 14, 1996

There are moments 
When I disconnect from all
And there is nothing 
That can take me from this fall
I haven't any
To share from ever till now
There isn't youth 
To teach my spirit how
Tomorrow wakens 
This old body from its ache
And there will be none
To bear witness to the wake
How perfectly staged
That our hearts will never meet
And all around me
The agony of defeat
No promises made
And no one ever let down
Through sorrows flooding
You will never let me me drown
Yet you call my name 
And I can never reach you
And I hear your plight
I want it all to be true
So I reconnect
To escape from this dillusion
But you are not here
I live with the confusion.

Mar 14, 1995

I'm drowning in the memories 
of a life that didn't last
I wanted to say good bye to her
but she was gone too fast
She's the best friend I ever had
but now she's gone away
If I could only talk to her
I would beg her to stay
She was my shelter from the rain
She protected me from pain
And I always knew that she was there for me.
I'm floating down this river
staring up at this sky
Repeating the same old question
Why did she have to die?
I wonder if she saw me now
Would she recognize me
And have I become everything
She wanted me to be?
She was my shelter from the rain
She protected me from pain
And I always knew that she was there for me.

January 15, 1995

To fly must be to experience
The most incredible rebirth
The power of destiny, control
Of all we know and more
The desire is uncontrollable, frustration, 
anger, despair, so much
curiosity, need. I need so
much the liberty
To control
my own destiny, by height
and speed, amazing
The hope kept alive by the
Possibility, soon
Soon. The blue, the white
The grey, so free, so much
power.  Steep turns, round 
Corners, small mountains, great 
Peaks, dead engines.  Safe
Emergency maneuvering. The 
hands of a pilot.
The power of destiny.


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